A dive into the deep end.

I’m strong because I have no other choice but to be.

I know leaving you behind is really the best thing for both you and me.

But I get crippled at the level at which I feel what this says

And I know wherever I go now, you will never truly go away. 🖤


Failure is like diabetes.

Now before you go on to make any defensive opinions, let me put forth my thought process here.

Diabetes, heart disease and hypertension are often called as silent killers. They do not have any major presenting symptoms but the disease pathology is constantly working silently in the body which can lead to disastrous consequences.

That’s how I feel failure is for us now a days.

In our urban well to do middle class lives, we are comfortable, we are functioning.

Most of us experience failure in the smallest of things. But on a daily basis they do not seem to show any symptoms and so we are not as alarmed as we should be.

I face failure everyday on the tiniest bit of things- may be I cannot complete my desired topics that I need to study that day, or I fail to follow my diet or exercise, skincare routine or any sort of schedule really. These are failures which should alarm you.

But they don’t because we all are somewhat living pretty comfortably in our perfectly average lives. And we’ve been taught to believe that it’s okay to live like that.

But I really believe there is nothing worse than wasted potential. You are your biggest enemy. You have to get out of our own way to follow through and reach your goals.

This is when the concept of silent killers comes into play. These small failures are not causing an enormous consequence for you on a daily basis. You can function inspite of these failures, you can live your life this way.

But we fail to grasp how much of our potential we are wasting on a day to day basis only to realise much later how big of an effect all these tiny daily failures had on the big picture of your life.

Start small. Go slow. But make sure you’re going in the right direction.

You are so brave for trying to do the right thing and you deserve so much more.❤️

Lots of love,

Brown girl on a budget 🙂

Love, with a side of clarity..

Nachos, with a side of chilli mayo is what gave me the inspiration for this title. 😋

And some introspection is what led to the following –

First love is huge. Epic. Life changing. But it may or may not be your last. Which from what I’ve heard is something wayyy ahead of the first.

In order to adult efficiently, most of the times anyway, we have to get over this huge epic life changing love.

Because as sad as it may be, most of us aren’t that lucky to hit the jackpot the first time.

And if you are one of those blessed ones, I’m happy for you. ( Subtext: ugh. yeah. Whatever. May be a little less happy. 😛 )

Personally speaking, this first big love sets the bar or expectations or comparison variables for all of those people who come in your life.

And if you’re anything like me, you know that we fall less, but when we do, we fall hard. So it’s natural to have difficulty in letting go of these feelings, partially or completely.

I don’t think they can ever go completely. One small part of your heart will always love that person. No matter how many times he ignores, annoys, hurts or walks all over you. And that’s okay!!! It just means you fell for it, hopelessly with all your heart and soul. And being able to do that is such a pure and a strong thing to do. You should be proud.

But also understand it’s not your last love because if it was, you wouldn’t be trying to let go in the first place.

Clarity precedes success. And that’s what I’m going for here.

Having feelings for someone in your past doesn’t ever have to hinder your relationship with yourself or others ever. It’s okay. It’s good.

But that doesn’t mean you have to go back and keep repeating the same dysfunctional pattern of misery and negativity.

Hold that person close in your heart forever. Be there for them. Whenever they really need it. Be happy for the wonderful times you shared and the intense feelings they made you feel.

And then live your life, your best life, practically and whole- heartedly with the right people.

Never ever ever settle. I’m rooting for you. ❤️

Lots of love,

Brown girl on a budget 🙂

You’re a fighter. A survivor. A winner..

Complexities of human nature make our species particularly prone to make “mistakes”.

Why the air quote for mistakes? To stress upon the real, hurtful miscalculated actions which we take and not those which we casually throw around simply just because we don’t care enough.

I’ve made quite a lot of mistakes. We all have. Some make us laugh, some make us cringe. They are fine, they are what make us human. Perfectly imperfect and all.

And then there are some others, which demand a serious level of acceptance and effort to move past them.

Forgiving yourself can be a really tough task.

But you have to.

You have to make peace and move past it. You did what you did and you cannot take it back.

Only thing left to do now is to accept it so that it does not create a horrendous wave of self loathing and negativity if it ever crosses your mind again.

You are not that person anymore. You’ve learnt. A lot. Digesting what you did when you did it is so difficult. But it’s not impossible. It is just something that needs to be done so you can move ahead and go on with life.

That one mistake does not define you. Please don’t let it. We are all doing the best we can at any given moment.

Call it bad timing. Bad luck. Bad intellect. Or a combination of everything bad.

Take all the time you need. All the help you need. Promise yourself to never make those mistakes again. Forgive yourself and let it go.

The reason you are feeling so conflicted about this particular incident is because that behavior of yours is completely contradictory to your current morals and thoughts.

This is good. It means you’ve grown. You won’t repeat those mistakes again. You will be okay.

Cut yourself some slack, and be kind to yourself. Talk to yourself like you would to your best friend, support the shit out of yourself and breathe!!!

This is not the end of the world silly, it the beginning to your wonderful wonderful life. ❤️

Lots of love,

Brown girl on a budget 🙂

Time for a quick lesson.

We’ve all had those moral science classes in school which would turn into game periods and be forgotten. It was okay then, because we practiced morals in our day to day lives and didn’t need a 40 minute lesson to remind us of it. But today, after all these years I’m sure you wouldn’t mind revision of a few things which we forgot over time or neglected because well, life happened.

Your morals and beliefs shape your entire being. So it’s pretty essential to make sure they are clear and conformed in your mind.

1)Honesty: The most important of it all. It is so imperative to be honest with yourself first. And then with others. Let people know what your intentions are for them. Build each other up and nurture your relationship. And if not please be honest about your intentions and save the other person’s misery.

People now a day’s have become so self immersed and apathic. The while “I don’t give a shit” act is seriously old and tired guys. It is good to give a shit. It means you have something to look forward to.

2) Respect others- Everyone you know is fighting a battle you know nothing about. They are trying to do the best they can because ultimately they have to look out for themselves.

Wish them well and let them be.

But don’t get played by people.

3) Respect yourself- Don’t be a pushover. Keep your head clear about what works for you and what doesn’t. Stand up for yourself. You are all you have.

3)Develop intelligence- Bookish knowledge and multiple degrees in not what intelligence means. Sure it’s a part of it, but try to develop it in a more evolved and deeper sense. Develop understanding, nurturing, responsibility and love.

4) Take responsibility- Things change with time and we get stuck doing things the old way. It’s important to sit and reflect on your actions every once in a while.

And if you’re unhappy with your decisions, you know it’s time to grow up and revise your morals some more.

And of course we are all humans, bound to make mistakes. I think the only thing we can do is be honest about it and make sure no one gets hurt in the process.

Cheers to growing up and holding our moral ground.

Lots of love,

Brown girl on a budget 🙂

Family comes first.

Everyone is trying to do the best they can.

Please be kind to people.

Specially your family.

It can be the family which you started out with, or the one you made along the way.

Learn to love them, even when it’s difficult. Specially when it’s difficult.

Family is supposed to lean on and be there for each other, when the whole world is against them.

You cannot turn against your own people based on some assumptions or impressions which other people make. You have to stand up for your family in front of those who have anything bad to say against them.

Give them a chance to explain at least? Before you go ahead and pass judgements about them.

Try to understand their situation. No one wants to complicate life. And people are trying to do their best, please believe that.

Nothing can be more hurtful than knowing your own person has such hostile perceptions of you.

And who are you to be in a position of judge for them? Be kind. Be considerate. Be empathatic please. They have been there with you through everything. Regardless. Look at yourself in the mirror and please introspect on the fact that what brought on such hate and despair in you?

Everyone has issues. You cannot let your close ones down at every chance you get just because you cannot deal with their issues. Please please be kind to them and walk them through those issues. Just like they did for you in the past. So. Many. Times.

Don’t hold hate in your heart for them. That’s all anyone could ask for.

Of course you could just let it all go and lead your life ahead without them, but you owe it to them to at least try. With all your heart. Work Through those issues with them. And come out the other side with a better, stronger relation.

Eternally greateful.

I have quite a few bullet points I thought I should jot down at one place because they’ve helped me. A lot. I hope you find something to think upon in here 🙂

1.Regrets are a waste of time. Whatever you did in that moment, was your own choice. Of course consequences can be good or bad. But never ever regret anything you’ve done because it could lead you to something fantastic that could change your life forever or to a very important lesson which could make your life better.

2. Everybody has their own share of problems and the fun is to learn how to ride the storm rather than hide from it.

And I have been super lucky to find a group of supporting,loving and downright adorable people who are in it with me. Thank you!

3. Family is messy. Just like all real things are.

4. If and when someone say they love you, and if they really mean it, they will accept the whole of you. Not just the good parts. The baggage, the quirks, the mess, everything. And they will strive to love you more so they could help to heal you.

Please don’t settle for anything less.

5. Time does not matter but intentions do.

6. Don’t keep making the same mistake just because you’ve spent a lot of time on it.

7. Everyone is trying to do the best they can. Please don’t put your negativity on them. Let them breathe.

8. Walk away from anything that makes you feel less.

9. Build real relationships because it really does take a village.

10. Never forget where you come from and please be great ful and respectful of the same because that is what got you where you are.

Lots of love,

Brown girl on a budget 🙂